i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
