seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
