When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
