i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
