Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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