I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Do vagina's smell?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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