my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
