Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
