Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
