Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
i now understand why vodka
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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