fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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