my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
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It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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