I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
