At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
