i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I want to fling myself into the sun
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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