he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
