He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
