I want to walk on stilts...naked
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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