I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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