If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My balls are so social today.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
