Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
