Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
