at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
