god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
