The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
