Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
