went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
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no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
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The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
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