Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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