Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
