i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
