Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
