Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
