the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
All I want is dick and wine.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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