i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
