so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
