I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
