I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
how drunk are you?
Several
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
