oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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