just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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