Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
