So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
