you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
