non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Michael Bay diarrhea
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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