Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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