I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
