You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
