i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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