My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Randomize
