i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
