a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Randomize
