All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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