forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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