Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
