so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
