i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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