I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
