Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
