Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
