she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
