Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
