...so i touched it.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
