Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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