At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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