that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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