Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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