Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
