Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
