she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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