So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
