I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
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You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
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Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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