how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
